When I studied physics in university, I HATED thermodynamics. There was something about it that I just didn’t get. Today, it finally all made sense to me. In a eureka moment this afternoon, it finally occurred to me that I am the poster child for Thermodynamics.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change forms.
The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that the Entropy of an isolated system always increases with time. Entropy is the measure of disorder or randomness of energy and matter in a system. As an example, because of the second law of Thermodynamics, the energy and matter in the Universe are becoming less useful as time goes on. Perfect order occurred right after the Bing Bang when energy and matter and all the forces of the Universe were unified.
The Third Law of Thermodynamics states that if all thermal motion of molecules could be removed, a state of absolute zero (equal to -273 .15 C) would occur. Basically, the Universe will attain absolute zero when all energy and matter is randomly distributed across space (i.e. when total entropy has been reached).
Now, if we apply these Laws to my life, it will quickly become apparent that I will be awarded the next Nobel Prize in Physics for being the human embodiment of Thermodynamics.
As soon as I was conceived, the Big Bang of my life, if you will, I was the perfect little zygote. It was at that moment that I was as ordered as I would ever be. After delivery, disorder started to set in. Through childhood and as a teenager I always felt like something wasn’t quite right. In my “isolated system” of hot-blooded teenager all my hot molecules were located in my heart. It was in those days that I was able to feel real passion without belabouring the consequences, since all the cold molecules were in my head. Very orderly, just as thermodynamics would explain.
In those days, I felt emotion like it was a concrete slate being cracked over my head or a soft blanket being wrapped around my shivering body. Whether good or bad, the heat in my heart allowed me to feel love so profoundly, to find endless joy in the mating of snails and to throw myself head first into everything because I was only preoccupied with living in the moment without needing to consider the consequences. Those few years in which I had a hot heart were the best in my life.
As time went on, I started to feel the symptoms of entropy. The hot molecules were becoming more and more disordered as they moved to areas of low heat concentration. The problem is that they didn’t heat any other parts of my body sufficiently to do any good. As this process occurred, my life began to become more random, more disorderly. I randomly jumped from one degree program to another, not knowing what field of study to pursue (this is probably why I never understood thermodynamics). At different (and sometimes the same) moments all in my 20s I seriously wanted to be a neurosurgeon, a sex therapist, an astronaut, doctor, a lawyer, a rock climber and a kickboxer. How random is that? And yet, I actually thought one of those things would materialize. Disorder became more apparent.
The age at which I should have been getting married or at least considering relationships, saw me starting to travel the world, getting lost in jungles, escaping kidnappers, surviving tropical diseases, and just generally succumbing to unbridled Entropy. Where other people in my cohort are making plans for the future, following some kind of ordered path through life, I become less and less certain about what the heck to do with myself.
As all my heat molecules decrease in concentration from my heart, the potential energy that used to be manifested in love and passion has now been transformed (as per the First Law) into cynicism and judgement toward the world. To muster that pre-entropy love energy is like trying to extract dissolved salt from water…impossible. And when I think I’ve found it again, a shiver sets in to remind me, as per the Third Law, that the temperature of my heart is approaching absolute 0, as is, incidentally, the temperature of my ovaries…