Things I’ve learned over the past 6 weeks March 11, 2009

1. Transformation from human to goddess involves time, money and many safety pins.

2. Even when my fridge is virtually empty, I can make a gourmet dinner for two.

3. Cooking for two is inspiration enough to perform the miracle of the bread and the fish.

4. There is nothing better than having my dinner-making interrupted by a man who spontaneously pulls me into his arms to dance with him.

5. Swamplands have officially surpassed deserts as my favourite landscape.

6. Ping Pong, as benign as it appears, can actually cause destructive warfare.

7. Extra Virgin olive oil may be a misnomer.

8. A dirty oven, raw fish, a failed exam and six weeks are the four essential ingredients for love.

9. Eventually, the universe will conspire to make you happy.

10. Eventually, “merely” transforms into “perfectly”

11. Eventually, “whelmed” transforms into “satisfied”

12. Eventually, all that which we thought impossible and out of reach is caught by the gossamer thread shot forth by our souls.

Things I’ve learned in the past 12 days January 12, 2009

1. I really like building things

2. I really like to machine tighten by hand

3. I am stronger than the average person, but consequently get yelled at more aggressively than the average person by boot camp instructors

4. Mondays are, in fact, highly manic

5. If I were to die young, the title of my biography (should someone write one) would be “Intense but Short”

6. Writing nonsense is, hands down, my favourite passtime and there is NOTHING in this world that I like more, other than pretending that I am SheRa Princess of Power as a defense mechanism to the scathing and mundane reality of daily life

7. Thirteen years go by really fast and come back really fast

8. If you leave a bottle of white wine in the freezer for 24 hours, you will not have to uncork it manually, but you will have to circumvent some kind of residue should you decide to ingest it

9. 750 ml is a lot of water and not enough wine

10. Dr. Phil is a jackass and deserves to be subjected to his own pedantic, paternalistic methodology.  Two words: CATEGORICAL IMPERATIVE, Bitch! (I mean 3…)

11. Sundays suck.  But Mondays… Mondays are my favourite of all nights.  Mondays are Valhalla.  Mondays inspire creativity.  Mondays make Sunday nights worth it.

12. I make myself laugh…profusely.

13. My obsession with SheRa has brought me more fame than anything else I’ve ever lusted after.

Things I’ve learned this month November 30, 2008

Another month in Africa has taught me some things.  Let’s see if I can figure out what they have been:

1. I really love CNN and rely on it for all my news needs while in the field.

2. Africa is a really cool place to be when the first Black President is elected in US.

3. I love gourmet food, especially the palate cleanser of pear sorbet and pear liqueur that comes in between two courses of gourmet food.

4. The former French colonies are far better equipped with good food than the former English colonies.  In fact, you may feel inclined to bulemize after every meal while in the former English colonies.

5. African bands are really good sports when a white chick decides she wants to impersonate Evita and sing at the top of her lungs from the balcony overlooking the musicians.

6. It is very hard to convince a married man in muslim Africa that I can’t be his second wife.

7. Decentralization may be the coolest topic ever.

8. I am easily mistaken for someone that people might want to kidnap…obviously.

9. I can be a total jerk when I pay for services that I don’t receive.

10. The best iced coffee in the world comes from the Accra City-Centre Novotel, and that is basically the only edible thing in this place.

Things I learned this week July 26, 2008

1. I don’t really mind having chunks taken out of my body by voracious mosquitoes if it happens while hanging my food in a tree so I don’t get eaten by a bear.

2. I do, however, mind having my scalp gnawed on by a bear.

3. I definitely have enough creative and intellectual vision to be a filmmaker

4. I may not have enough technical curiosity to work my video camera, which means I may never actually shoot one thing, which, sadly, will keep me in the purgatory of middle management for eternity.

5. If you leave wet clothes in the washer for three days, they will all smell like stinky feet forever no matter how many bounce sheets you put in the dryer with them.

6. Not all plants die if you don’t water them for 3 weeks. Many, however, do.

7. If you get a really good haircut, put on big sunglasses, sling a light jacket over your shoulder and walk with gumption, people in Ottawa think you are a movie star incognito.

8. Is it really so egregious that I have no colonial guilt?

9. For better or worse, egregious is my word of the week.

10. Blogging is the most self-indulgent form of new media…and I love it.